porkyandthemob

The drunk lady was drunk when she got on board. The drunk lady got even more drunk when they came around with options of cocktails, wines and beers. The drunk lady got really, really drunk when they came around the second time. The drunk lady got extremely bad smelling, laughing at everything and dancing in her seat but everyone thought it was very comical drunk when they allowed her to purchase more. The drunk lady got especially wish you were somewhere else because she was no longer funny and exceptionally overbearing and cursing and causing an exceedingly obnoxious scene drunk when she walked to the back and they still allowed her to purchase more. And she was still drunk when she passed out right before the landing and the stewardesses were greedily counting their tips and wishing she wasn’t passed out but still purchasing mixers because they figured if they hid behind the laboratories no one for some strange reason would complain about the very, very, very drunk lady.

Apparently I haven’t written in a long time, apparently it’s because of my rate change, apparently I could do something about it, but apparently I’m not going to.

Burnout; it’s what I have in this very moment. My writing has gone off the deep end – it’s no secret, I know. It’s become very lame, very blaw blaw. I admit it. I skipped yesterday because “I was too tired.” Too tired? I hate that excuse. Every time I hear someone say that, “I’m too tired,” I want to slap them. Too tired? Are you kidding me? Just get off your butt and let’s go! What’s the trouble, too tired, boo hoo. On the double, GO! “You can sleep when you’re dead.” That’s when I slapped myself figuratively speaking this evening and started to write. Sometimes you just need a good slap in the face.

Book: Pages, volumes, manuscripts, documents, text, characters, script, lettering, writing, words, title, contents, prelude, prologue, draft, symbols, marks, inscription, prose, literature, journalism, style, grammar, technique, approach, metaphor, simile, allegory, image, figure of speech, parable, fable, story, tale, legend, myth, fairy tale, fiction, nonfiction, illusion, account, chronicle, history, narrative, description, adjective, adverb, verb, noun, pronoun, preposition, proper noun, syntax, sentence, sentence structure, articulate, coherent, expressive, leisure, enjoyment, boredom, chore, rhetoric, logical, lucid, well-spoken, well-written, well-structured, uniform, education, learning, teaching, schooling, instruction, training, lesson, university, classes, student, professors, pupils, graduate, skill, ability, aptitude, test, exam, assessment, theory, edification, clarification, truth, falsehoods, opportunity and advancement; book.

Aspirin: You can get it by twos in yellow, small paper sacs at any of the corner drugstores you find in France. You can tell they are pharmacies because 1) they all have large, green neon crosses jutting out over the sidewalk and 2) they are on just about every corner. The first place I ever bought an aspirin was at one of these in Bourg-en-Bresse. The city has 40,000 people and 4,964 pharmacies. There was an entire wall dedicated to aspirin in my pharmacy – can you imagine the quantity of these little pills in this mini metropolis alone? It’s no wonder Bayer is one of the largest pharmaceutical companies in the world – they’ve got half of France hopped up on aspirin!

In the element of time and space come things of matter, spirit, substance and thought. Solitude and solemnity are often aspects that prevail until they are disturbed. Things will keep on going until they are affected adversely or favorably. And that is a matter of subjectivity; a property of thought, independence, spirit or mind. In these cosmos we can explore thought or space, but through it all what can be really learned without learning of oneself? The inner most aspect of the soul is the location of all truth. That is what the final and most enduring objective of our existence ought to be. The problem with all this is that it’s all just a bunch of babble; words put into sentences but with no real goal of communication - sentences with fancy words made to impress educated people who are too stupid and too determined to be renowned themselves that they cling to crap like this. I have a suggestion for you people – don’t waste your time on nonsense, try doing something fun with the people you love, like going to the park. How’s that for deep?

I learned that there were 2.6 million Mexican immigrants in the U.S. labor force in 1990.  And then in the year 2000 there were 4.9 million.[i]  There are 400 Million Spanish speakers in the world and 40 million live in the US[ii] - that’s 10%!  Now, I know roughly 17 words in Spanish but I’m told that isn’t enough.  I was also told that over 1/3 of all Californian’s speak Spanish[iii]  (California is the most populous state in the union may I remind you) and in my local middle class neighborhood bank (not in
California) there are two signs advertising a new kind of account.  One sign is in English, one sign is in Spanish – the Spanish one is on top.  What should people like me (or even people who don’t know 17 Spanish words) do?  My suggestion: learn Spanish.

[i] Migration_Information.org. 2/23/08. Migration Policy Institute. 2/24/08. http://www.migrationinformation.org/USfocus/display.cfm?id=206

[ii] Wikipedia.org. 2/23/08 Wikipedia Online Encyclopedia. 2/24/08. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanish_in_the_United_States

[iii]Wikipedia.org. 2/23/08 Wikipedia Online Encyclopedia. 2/24/08. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanish_in_the_United_States#Official_status

Whooshing through the trees he smiled.  He decided for the 4^th time that day his recent purchase was an excellent investment.  The mountain bike had beautiful sleek lines.  The front and rear shocks promised 4 inches of plush travel on every descent and locking-out mechanisms to assure fast and steady ascents fit to please each and every time.  His 26 inch tires made love to the ground, groping every rock and root in its path – like a man whore the tires took every chance to grab the terrain but kept tossing it aside in pursuit of more.  The disc brakes showed their valor by obeying their commands to perfection.  The pedals were clip-less – a paradoxical name – they clipped to the rider like death approached and only let go when he twisted his foot, heel out, for the tight turn.  An excellent investment he thought, for the 5^th time.

Finis!  Finis!  Finis!  Finis!  This is all I ever hear.  Finis!  Finis!  Finis!  It’s like this kid has no other word in her vocabulary.  Finis – finished.  Finished eating, finished going potty, finished coloring, finished bathing, finished being in time out, finished taking a nap, finished, finished, finished.  Now the real problem isn’t the word, it’s the location of it in whichever process she is working on.  “Finis!”  She yells out.  “Well my darling little girl you actually need to start eating before you’re finished.  Just because you are finished getting buckled into your high chair does not qualify the meal to be over – you actually have to put some food in your mouth.  And no, just because you threw the fork on the floor doesn’t mean you are finished either.”  At least I have the hope that when she is older and a guy comes over to pick her up she’ll say “Finis!” and slam the door in his face before they actually go anywhere.

And the winner is… that’s right folks, just three years out and never a battle lost, the prize goes to your very own, home town hero, Spot.  That’s right; Spot’s been battling those mosquitoes, ticks and mites every day in your back yard, playground, and neighborhood streets to serve you better.  He has had a bite or two as expected, but he has yet to have been infected by the West Nile Virus.  And thanks to this wonderful modern age of vaccinations in which we live he has not contracted typhoid, measles, mumps or malaria either.  Now don’t wait another minute, bring your dog in to Make Your Puppy a Yuppie Veterinary today!  Is your dog protected like Spot?